He is an equal opportunity slut.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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