nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
