This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my shit smells like andre
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
