i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
