take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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