Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
