the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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