you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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