I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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