Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
