i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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