i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In America we eat man semen.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
