Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
