On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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