Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
