It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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