Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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