Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
