very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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