i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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