Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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