She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
