I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
