How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
