So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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