Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
