Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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