so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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