So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
3 2 1 whiskey
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
