Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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