Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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