Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
