And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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