I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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