Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize