How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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