Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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