I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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