i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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