She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
