Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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