oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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