He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
