Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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