True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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