...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
