im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
