Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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