i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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