Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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