Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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