i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
