wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
