i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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