the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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