weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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