I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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