She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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