As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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