btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
