matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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