I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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