Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
