i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
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Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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