My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
