I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
