People with herpes should wear stickers.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
