Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
