Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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