I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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