a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
