farters have to be the big spoon...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
