I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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