And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
