if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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