I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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