i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
