Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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