he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The Olympian is in my bed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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