How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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