fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
