So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
