i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
its liver damage thursday
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
